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Dear Dr Ziggy,
I am a member of an exclusive mens club, the Liberal Party. I strongly believe that women should not be playing at our club as it distracts the younger members of teams from training hard and thus winning matches. I feel that Monash should be a mens only club….. Dr, your thoughts?
S.Newman, Brighton
Dear Sam,
You are a moron. I have checked through the club database and realised that your name is an alias, designed to let you hide your sexist thoughts under the cloak of anonymity. I will find you and boot you out of this club, this great club. But first, let me destroy your arguments
Women are the best thing that ever happened to our club, and more specifically our club presentation night. Women are sexy, glamorous and beautiful. We have many women at our club who are very sexy, glamorous and beautiful. Just look at our presentation night last year , it rivalled the Oscars and had better food. I went to the Oscars in 1998 and had a wonderful time. I was seated next to Sharon Stone and we each had a similar basic instinct. It was a wonderful week………
The women at our club are fit, young and intelligent. University is a time for serious fun but many of our young players, having come from private schools have very little experience of the other sex, apart from writing ‘ yes, please’ on the clubs membership application form where it says ‘ name, date of birth, and sex’. Having women at our club allows our young players to see women in a safe environment, namely after training Thursday nights before they hit the cocaine fuelled, Phil Collins themed world of nightclubs where private schooled boys get eaten alive in the love stakes by co-educated state school students…..
Training attendance has risen 350% since women joined our club. Profits at Bob’s Diner have grown accordingly and the club now stocks various teas and soy milk, just the thing for those cold June Tuesday nights. The club also does a roaring trade in pedicures, just the thing after a game on those hard pitches…….
So sexist bigot, I am all in favour of women. I would like them to train the same nights as we do and to share showering facilities. Many of our boys would become men much quicker and there would be less ‘ gorillas in the mist’ during shower time and more ‘snakes in the grass’ if you get my drift. I look forward to the day when women will be in out First team. Having said that , we have had Englishmen in our first team previously and many of you would say that are similar, except our women whinge less. The arrival of women at MUSC is the step that will bring our men towards the state leagues where our women already are. As they say, behind every great man is a great women or in my case at last years presentation night, three.
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