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Dear Dr Ziggy
A simple one but an age-old quandary. How do I get my new squeeze to watch me strut my stuff. Saturday is my favourite day of the week and I want my squeeze to come down to see me strut my stuff but she cites shopping. How do I pull off the impossible
LJ, Balwyn
Dear LJ,
Saturday is my favourite day of the week too LJ. It is only three days away from Tuesday which is my new designated date night at Hoyts in Chadstone. The Global Recession affects us all, even good Doctors as well. The quandary as you so describe it is a simple one to solve. The solution is one that you have to be confident about lest you go down a slippery slope if your ego cannot hold it. That could be pulling off the impossible but so is having a relationship during the season with someone other than your coach. At least with your squeeze you don’t have to come off the bench to impress at times, whereas with your coach he has the choice of many on the bench, much like myself at medical school.
The solution is as simple as sacking employees to improve your bottom line. Easy to do but potentially awkward. Talk up your teammates. Mention to your squeeze about the handsome striker, the fit midfielder and the hirsute centre half. The funny goalkeeper that everyone laughs with when near but laugh at when he can’t hear as he is far away, physically and mentally. Mention the young playboy winger who dribbles defences in the afternoons and makes ladies swoon after dark. Mention that he is single and likes nerdy book types. Like her sister. Don’t sell it as coming to watch you but you should see me team mates who I hang out Tuesday and Thursday nights who you haven’t met. Her curiosity will be piqued and before you know it , she will be asking you to explain the offside rule. And she will be pitchside soon enough. You will notice it is only the confident players who bring their current squeezes to games. YOU don’t want to lose your spot in the starting one so to speak and players who bring their squeezes to games know they are better looking than their teammates. I never saw ( name) bring their missus to games. Also watch out if you start playing poorly and she notices it. And mentions it at games/training sessions/family dinners….
Be wary though. If she starts turning up to Monash games where you are not playing then it has gone too far. Especially if that handsome young striker and single winger get dropped/promoted and are in a different team to you, playing on a different day and that’s where she is. With binoculars, a skimpy outfit and heels.
That’s why you have to be confident. You have to be aware that there is a good chance she will look at your teammates and dream. It happened with the North Melbourne Football Club and destroyed them. . Don’t sell the new facilities at Monash too well. Especially the new paint job in the clubrooms. However , if you can deliver Saturday afternoons and off the pitch on non designated training nights- Monday , Wednesdays and Sundays then you might have four favourite days of the week and a very special Saturday night where you’ ll never be substituted if feeling tired. Even if you want to .
Yours Trully,
Dr Ziggy
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