2001 Round 5 - Reserves vs Noble Park

Author: John Jhoomun

Another famous Jonathan once wrote about the power that literary scribes possess when he coined the famous phrase ' The pen is mightier than the sword' . As a history teacher, I fully subscribe to the theory that history is not what happens but what is recorded. As Regular readers will testify, the difference between Monash performances and my match reports suffer from no exaggeration.......

It has been an interesting week with the alleged Kernot/Evans affair raising all sorts of issues. These issues are applicable to Monash with defections enmasse from the Colts to the reserves. First of all it was Anisha playing last week in the twos and mysteriously injuring himself, unable to play the following day for the Colts. Then it was James Bernard taking training for the Colts last week and then getting a guernsey in the twos this week. Ara was seen driving everyone to training as well. Rumours of Alex offering inducements such as their own training cones, extra dreamteam points, free sausages, and greater exposure through my match reports are rife. Alex was looking for South Americans but coach West did not receive funding from sports& Rec for his pre-season tour of south american kindergartens.

Colts coach West is disappointed at the loss of some of his stable and went to President Smurthwaite for the issue to be raised at the next Committee meeting. " I want answers Tim, I am worried about my players getting too much exposure with the senior players and their salacious habits. Those players are mine, its bad enough that Kevin stole Richard from me. The influence he has on the others is bad. Rocking up to a game 5 minutes before kick-off. Why the other day I heard James and Ara, asking Simon about sex. I'm not sure they knew what they mean't but Where is their focus !". Tim said we will discuss it next meeting where it is item 8789876 on the agenda, tentatively put down for approximately 5.34 am on Friday morning....

The Monash reserves were in fine mood after last weeks comeback against Dandenong and after a session of indoor on Tuesday and a mudbath on Thursday where primed for the battle against Noble Park. The author has fond memories of our last game, scoring a brace and silencing the hostile crowd of 17 year old girls who yelled out more than once , " Sir, you are a $#@$%#". Ah respect. Or something like that. And so after going through my usual pre-match routine of baked beans, more strapping than a Tory politician and the extra strength deep heat with Benny rowlands dropping in to wish good luck, my bag was packed and i headed off to the ground.

The side was Alex Lockie in goals. The goalkeeper has been in fine form and had a busy day, seeing former Geelong based band Magic Dirt at the Corner in richmond later that night who are a firm favourite of mine. After a game diving around on pitch 1, it would be ironic that A goalkeeper goes to see the 'dirt' after playing in mud..............

The back three was Pana who again looked fashionable in his white shoes. His mum was pleased with his appearance as always. Partnering the Greek Seinfeld was Al McCowan and David Moody. Big Al who always cuts a majestic figure with his hairband was quite keen. David Moody was the bane of ridicule after the strip was 'washed' and had more dirt on it than what Laurie Oakes dished up on Cheryl Kernot. Yogi was in centre midfield , which meant he was closer to Mickey Thoman which was very good for all concerned. Tuan ' Rolls' Le after a dazzling performance in the mud was his partner. David Downes was the attacking midfielder with johnny and Mickey on the flanks. Upfront was Simon, fresh from seeing gorgeous women at the Revlon reunion. The little Corporal looked a little tired but was all smiles, especially when James Bernard sidled up to him and asked him about it. Partnering the Little Corporal was the Greek Playboy, Peter Kandyliotis. On the bench was Pete Hodkinson, who told James stories about his youth in Hamilton. Stefan was also on the bench as well as James, making his debut.

As the teams strolled out on the pitch, I counted 2 current students from where I teach and one former who left to go to another school. " G'day Dario' said the educator. G'day Mr Jhoomun' said Dario, Noble Park goalkeeper and my teammates sniggered , especially Peter Pana who as an accountant is much more used to dealing with pencils than personalities. It seemed weird to be playing against so many students, many of whom Bob West was making notes on for future reference but it is important to do well so I don't get heckled when i get back to school.

Monash started brightly in the apalling conditions with the wind giving the ball a distinct left sided bias as the ' Ashes kicked off to the Wellington Rd end. Downes , Kandyliotis and Serebryanikov were on fire, getting the ball early from the midfield and causing optimum damage. The ball seemed stuck on the left side and despite this, when Monash broke it was Kandylitis who caused the most damage , twisting and turning on the slippery surface and running with abandon. I will probably get this wrong but David Downes scored the first goal with a good piece of finishing after an earlier one was disallowed.Kandy scored the second with a great volley that slid under the despairing dario in the Noble Park Goal who has a tendency to swear incessantly when the ball goes past him.

After a flowing move from the left that started with Dave Moody, Tuan, Johnny, Kandy all involved and running to create space the ball ended with Mickey who cut inside and shot low and hard with his left. Johnny spurned a chance for further schoolyard glory when Mickey Thoman, unhappy with Johnny's match report the previous week, skidded in a cross from the right which bounced more than a Monash cheque in front of the teacher causing him to miss the target. ' Bad luck Sir' was Dario's comment. " Come on Johnny, I'll start yelling at you ' was Mickey Thoman's. " Jesus, JJ' was Alex's comment on the sidelines. " Nivan would have scored that ' was Mike's comment but no-one listened. The game continued with simon running riot and Mickey switching to the left. Pana gave away a contentious handball and was yellow carded. The penalty was cooly dispatched by Noble Park and it was 2-1. Alex Lockie made a great save as the Noble Park forwards troubled the back three with their running and cunning. Monash scored another with Peter Kandy ? scoring to make it 3-1 at the half.

The halftime speech was a little different than last weeks calm effort. Alex nearly blew the roof off the changerooms with his verbal blasts where the defence and myself were blasted, and his blasts were ringing in our ears as we strode out onto the pitch for the second half.

The second half was memorable for Peter Kandy , running riot with his fantastic dribbling skills and combining well with Simon, who in my opinion needs to work with models more often such was his tenacity . David and Rolls were on fire and Mickey was doing well on the left. Stef came on for Peter Pana and James came on for david Moody. From a throw in Peter Kandy dribbled to the byline and set up Serebryanikov to score his third for the season. The tackles were flying all over the place with a Noble Park player going down like Klinsman after Stefan ' collided' with him causing the author to rant and rave at how weak he was, after being kicked just below the knee 5 minutes early and getting up after Dario asked " Are you okay, Sir " . The boy will go far. Johnny came off for Pete Hodkinson , allowing the Hamiltonian to strut his stuff. Peter Kandy scored another but it was disallowed because it was simply too good and Mickey bobbed up and scored 2 goals and Rolls got one too. In the end it was 7-1 , it could have been 17-1 such were the opportunities created. The mood was sombre in the rooms, with the author frustrated by the kicks received which he didn't get a chance to equalise.

Credit is due to Noble Park who with a young side fought valiantly and skilfully to the end.

The 1sts were inspired as well, winning 3-0 with all goals coming after Nik Mallios was substituted, with Bryan coming off shortly so he could talk to his mate. With Bryan only having one good eye, coach Ladd made the inevitable substitution realising that Bryan would be far too distracted with Nick on the sidelines. With Mallios gone, the ball was played around to the other 9 Monash players allowing Pasco, Mara and greg to score.