Author: John Jhoomun
And so I welcome you to the inaugural reserve match report of season 2001 for the mighty Monash Uni Soccer Club. For those new, My names Johnny and I wield artistic licence and call it how I see it. Through my own biased tired eyes.... With Monash promoted back to Saturday league, Provisional 2 Sth East it was somewhat ironic that our first game was on sunday against North caulfield, Simon Serebryanikovs old team. It was also coach Alex De La Torres first game in charge and the assembled team were ready to fire, having completed cards complementing each other on their skills and abilities. The little orange cards will be treasured although the spelling mistakes on mine indicate a cut in the quality of education offered at Monash. Or that certain members of our team cant spell.............. And so it was with cobwebs dusted away in the autumn wind, Coach De La torre addressed his players. Run, Be yourselves and if you dont like that, be someone who can pass. With This instruction ratified by the Commitee ( Tim, Pana and Myself) Simon Serebryanikov was made Captain for the day and decided to be Robbie Fowler minus the nose guard. The side was strong with many considered unlucky such is the depth that pervades at Monash this year. Third Team coach, Mike ' Where’s my clipboard' Jhoomun was in goal. The accountants Luke and Peter Pana were in central defence aiming to mark as tight as fiscally possible and to prove that accountancy is a worthwhile profession. On The left was the Roberto Carlos look-alike, except this man is suave and smoother with his charms, Cedric Rosalie. How the girls love him ..... Who was it last night.....What time is our game...... On the right was Chris Peters who has a family dinner on Tuesday. Just thought Id let you all know.
In Midfield was David Downes, the man who according to my extensive records set the 'beep test' record at Monash. According to my memory which is prone to exaggeration Davids Total was 356. And he didn’t break a sweat. Partnering him in central was Mark Rogers a really nice young man. He sings in the choir, has a voice like an angel and makes passes like Cedric does, only Marks are often to me which I really appreciate. As QPRs Number 1 fan, ( thats what his email says) Mark is the kind of man a young lass could bring home to meet her parents. And then introduce Cedric ............ On The left was a man who according to his 'Orange Card' is 'Mad'. Thanks Simon. I take it that at Melbourne High they encourage students to expand their vocabulary. Mad, cool, yeah........Johnny was fired up after restricting his alcohol intake and going through his extensive pre-match ritual of baked beans, more strapping than a Catholic secondary school and his Celtic top. On the right was the debutant Matt Mumme who in order to escape religious persecution at Old Scotch transferred to a real club. Welcome Matt. Upfront was the wily veteran Tim Smurthwaite who Im sure that everyone wrote on their card' holds up the ball well' and the Belligerent Belarussian, fresh from celebrating Belarus wins over Norway. Simon Serebryanikov was made captain for the day and he strutted as only a small man can. On the bench were Peter Kandy who made a crack about Alex's sister being sexy and thus paid the ultimate penalty. Adbdi and Alex Grace with afresh pair of socks were on the bench. Monash started well attacking well with the midfield dominant and the ball being used well from either flank. Monash were fitter and used the ball better whipping in more hot crosses than a bakery on Good Friday. It was a cross from the right that led to Monash first goal when Matt whipped in a low ball to Simon , which was bundled past the midget keeper by his own defender. The game was hard and physical with players determined to cement places and create good impressions. Sometimes the passion can erupt and sometimes your timing is out. The latter springs to mind when Johnny chased down a ball in the opponents box, missed the ball but got the opponent. Yellow Card. Timmy was being persecuted and responded in kind. Yellow. Simon decided to exercise some captainly restraint and was booked. In the meantime a bit of football was played with Matt hitting a low left footer just wide and Johnny blasting a half volley high and wide on his left foot. A Cross from the left from Johnny found Timmy who headed well but the midget keeper just got a hand to it and pushed it away for a corner. Simon and Cedric were whipping in good corners and the pressure was building. When Matt broke through on the right flank and was brought down, Peter Pana assessed his career options and decided that the fisherman or net option was a good one, sending his penalty careering into the back of the net to make it 2-0. Our defence was solid , Luke imperial in the middle anhd Cedric attacking well down the left and Chris down the right. Mark Rogers was in full song and at the break it was 2-0. An unchanged side went out and promptly attacked with Timmy a focal point in attack.When Mark floated across a diagonal ball to JJ, an outstreched leg steered the ball into the onion bag with Keeper and JJ colliding. I thought I scored but someone ELSE was offside. When I find you I will make you watch reruns of Tottenhams away games as punsihment. Simon and Matt were linking well and it was from one great cross from Serebryanikov that Johnny rocketed home on the half volley to make it 3-0. With not a hint of offside ieither. The elder Jhoomun celebrated with his customary professionalism and ran back to position. Such exuberance. With the game seemingly out of reach, the game became a little scrappy and North Caulfield scored a great goal to make it 3-1 and give Michael Jhoomun some exercise, namely picking the ball out of the back of the net. Coach DE La Torre made some changes bringing on Alex Grace for Matt, Peter K for Timmy and Abdi for Johnny who swore all the way from his left flank to the touchline. Our defence was superb with our back four looking for the most part realtively solid. On the break Peter K, still fixing his hair and Alex G combined for Peter to score with his customary flair and lack of diligence. And so it was 4-1 to Monash and a loud rendition of ' Ziggy, Ziggy, Ziggy' was heard across a windswept ground. A real team effort with everyone contributing in some way. Well done guys Monash 4- og, Pana( pen), Johnny, Kandyiliotis defeated Caulfield North 1 Next week- v Beaumaris away. A great physical clash awaits on the postage stamp of a ground. Lets give it em. Are u ready Mr Mark Forbes ? Johnny